Today I lost someone very dear to my heart.

He was my first and forever love. He was the person I saw myself growing old with. He was my person.

This might sound strange because we hadn't talked in years but I knew this to be true. He just reconnected with me a week ago and I thought that this meant it was our time.

We met in Dallas. I was young, naive, and too scared to trust anyone to the point of love after my parents divorce. He was 2 years older, wiser, and too sweet for me. I was overprotective of myself and he was too giving of himself.

I don't know if it was love, but it was something strong. I felt something no-one else had made me feel. He was it, I just didn't know it at the time.

After a few years, I decided I needed to work on myself and applied to Peace Corps. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't the only reason I applied. But it is a strong one. Most Volunteers come for the purpose of experiencing something few have and attempting to improve their beings.

While in my first few months here, I started to realize I didn't make the best decisions in the past. I forgave myself, which is extremely hard to do. Anyone who hasn't can tell you so.

So I wrote a letter to him trying to apologize for my past naiveness and asking for forgiveness. At the very least I wanted to be friends with someone I knew was my soul-mate.

I never heard a word for 3 years.

Randomly one Wednesday afternoon I got a facebook message asking if I would call him to catch up. Unfortunately I was still abroad and could not oblige. So we chatted online for hours. It was like nothing had changed. He was the confident and sexy man I fell for from the start.

We talked about meeting up soon. And made tentative plans. But being me, I was hesitant and wanted to make sure it was real this time.

I poured my heart out to him, but never got a response.

About 4 days later a friend sent me an article that the person I am speaking of committed murder suicide. I can't believe it. I am in shock. How do you deal with something like this?

How do you cope with losing someone you just reconnected with. The one that you thought you were going to have kids with, spend the rest of your life with?

I know it sounds extreme, but when you feel it you know.

I was willing to risk it all for him, but I was just too late.

You were Dallas.